The first time I read a book it was about frogs. It was mad boring. And to be fair, I never finished it. The second time I read a book, it was about a treehouse. This one was better. It had magic and fairies and adventure. Did I finish it? No. The third time I read a book it was about a girl with a bow and arrow. She had a boyfriend, actually two. And my favorite character died. Did I finish this one? No.
That’s my relationship with books. I never finish them. Why? Because you can look up the plot on Wikipedia. So, reason number 1 why reading is for stupid people: why waste a month reading a book when I can find the summary on the internet?
Another good alternative to reading a book is watching the movie. It’s always better. Twilight? Better than the book. Divergent? Better than the book. Diary of a Wimpy Kid? Better than book. The movie is always more fun, easier to understand, and has hotter actors.
But to be fair, do books even teach you anything? The answer to that is also no. What has anyone ever learned from reading a book? There just stories about randos that don’t even exist.
So here I am, almost 18 years old. I can be charged with a felony and go to prison. I can have jury duty. I am entering the unknown terrain of the rest of my life. And what will I do with that time?
Not read.
That sh*** is a waste of my life.
An Open Letter to College Board by Armaan Verma
Dear College Board,
We, as a student body, would like to extend our thanks for your help and support in this chaotic time of coronavirus. Your ideas for change have truly helped us adapt our learning strategy in a positive way, such as when you did not move the examS when our school started late. This was phenomenal, as it really managed to shake things up. Now instead of learning three months of content in three months like the usual monotonous way, we have been able to go on the marvelous journey of learning it in three weeks. Furthermore, your support in setting up these exams has also been greatly appreciated. We love that, in late March, you were generous enough to give us a choice between taking our exams at home or at school. Having big decisions pushed on us at the last minute is awesome, exam time is usually so uneventful and lax. It is also great how you have not introduced us to the medium which we are taking our exams on, it really builds some delicious suspense. As a token of our appreciation, please take this parcel of pancakes. They were made with our tears!
Lovingly, The Spring Hill Student Body
An Open Letter to a Teacher by Rylie Walters
Dear Ms.Franny,
I am dearly upset about the time I have wasted in your classroom. I spend over 5 hours a week learning about things we shouldn’t be learning about. Next time you think about teaching us how to pay bills or how to do our laundry, don’t. We need to be learning about IMPORTANT things; hence, the name “school”. I’ve hinted and argued my opinion to other students and now it’s your turn to listen. Today you nagged your way through talking about how to pay a mortgage and what it means. Instead, I would have loved to learn more about the pythagorean theorem. I might need that in my future!! Do you even know about how many people struggle a day with their jobs not knowing how to find the third side of a triangle?? The percentages are rising dramatically by the day. When will we ever need to know how to change a tire? Change your oil? Balance a checkbook? These “skills” are irrelevant and hissed at us everyday for no reason. Why am I the only person questioning the teaching curriculum? Please take into consideration things that will prepare us for the future. What if I graduate highschool and don’t know the basic difference between a stage 3 country and a stage 2 country? The school system is putting our future at risk and this needs to be acknowledged. I may know how to cook; however, I will not know how to drop an egg off a building without breaking it. This is what we and everyone in this school should be aiming for. My requests need to be answered in order to have a stable life in the future. From the multiple studies I have read, over 89.6% of people don’t know what to do once they graduate college. This is because of the life skills they have missed going into their jobs. These statistics seem pretty high if you ask me. Ms.Franny, this is a serious matter. We need justice once and for all!