This spring edition of the Hill Herald includes satirical pieces. Satire is defined as the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, specifically in the context of modern issues. Read on, knowing that this is all fake news.
*The first five people have already received the prize. However, you can try to unscramble the hidden phrase in the front page of the paper if you'd like to play!
Articles in this issue:
The Ease of College Admissions in 2021 by Vishwa Diwan
The Ease of College Admissions in 2021 by Vishwa Diwan
Original art by Reagan Taylor
It’s college decision season for the college graduating class of 2025. With the thrill of completing college essays often always comes the happiness of getting those decisions in your inbox a short five months after you submit them. The college decision committees are rapid in getting decisions out to their optimistic students, especially the Ivy Leagues.
As the years have progressed, college admissions has gotten less and less competitive; the admission rates even got to a high of 4.9% for some colleges in 2020. Nowadays, one mention of a singular extracurricular can easily guarantee an acceptance. It is too much to truly commit to a club or multiple organizations; make the least of your time with a charity and the decision committee will grant you admission at the snap of your fingers. They like to see short term commitments, things you barely have interest in, and essays about anything other than trauma, hardships, and passion. In recent events, Harvard University accidentally used its two million dollar brochure budget towards new spots for students in the upcoming class. Professors and administrators are in an uproar about the actions by the now former Head of Marketing. The university now has no choice but to accept three thousand more students in the class of 2025—three thousand spots they do not feel they will be able to fill due to the absolute lack of applicants. The dean, Laura Chivers is less than happy about this because the university will have to stop sending emails and brochures to high school students wanting to learn about the University. “This is ridiculous; now students will not know of the Harvard name and brand. The brochures that we used to send out were the only form of advertisement that attracted students from secondary schools,” Chivers claimed hastily. For more information about Harvard, please don’t go tO their website.
Bonding Over Isolation by Armaan Verma
Original artwork by Reagan Taylor
Over this quarantine, kids, especially those in their developing years, have become increasingly social and strengthened their bonds with one another in a heartwarming display of unity. Teenagers and small children alike have enjoyed the opportunity to forsake their boring, usual schedule they have spent their life following for a new, fun, intuitive way of learning. Without classroom contact, kids have had the pleasure of seeing one another from an eight inch screen! Kids who are not naturally outgoing have easily adapted to life at home, making new friends everyday through fun activities like eating alone and doing schoolwork by themselves. As for the kids who are naturally outgoing, they have also adapted amazingly! Without the distraction of their lifelong friends, they have flourished, accomplishing Feats like a whopping 20% increase of depression and chronic destruction of their social skills. Truly, quarantine has been a time where extroverts, introverts, teens, and kids alike have bonded and grown as people.
Teachers Receive Too Much Respect by Lauryn Carey
Over the past few months, government officials have noticed an uprising problem in society. In our average, every day cLassrooms, our teachers are receiving too much respect from their students. Teachers spend most of their time planning and executing these plans for our children. They do not deserve the respect they are receiving. To understand why this is a problem, we must take a close look at society and reevaluate our choices and actions. What Do Our Teachers Think? After performing an interview with a local fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Callahan, we’ve gathered a relevant opinion to the topic. “Over the years, I and my fellow teachers have been experiencing a rise in respectful students. We hate it,” Callahan says. From this, we’ve gathered that teachers do not spend all of their time bettering the lives of their students, all for some respect and kindness.
How Can We Improve? We, as a country, need to come together and find a solution to this growing problem. Our teachers of America are struggling with the daily hassle of receiving too much respect. We cannot keep ignoring this and allowing it to happen. Here are some steps we can start to take to better our country. To better your country, TODAY.
Speak with your teachers/children’s teachers and let them know you have no respect for them or their work